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Thread: DEDICATION

Joined: 01 Mar 2003

Total Posts: 738

DEDICATION Posted: 27 May 2003 04:24 AM
oh ya as i sit wishing it was true a better way of life 4 me and you so many things that should be better cant say ive been a real go getter struggleing in this life of mine lucky to even have some time had my close calls and survive i know im lucky to be alive but what about your precious life you have paid a price at a young age sometimes i see it in your rage but threw the pain & the misery you have always look out for me i can remember when your mom gave birth to you the minute i saw u i started to cry too with tears of love and bewilderment i knew that u were heavon sent at that moment a change in me occur a special love and responseabilty for sure i feel 4 u the same today except i worry that inside ur ok i know the drama with your mamma being away has a price that u r paying and the shit wit those bitches dissing you i told you we could get some one too take care of them fools but that aint your way and i thank god for that thats one way were diffrent and thats phat! i want you to have a better life then me i love u so much my precious saree!
FLAMINGO & SWENSON 09-07-1960 D.O.B

Joined: 29 Jan 2003

Total Posts: 454

Re: DEDICATION Posted: 27 May 2003 01:27 PM
Felling it a nice heartfelt tribute to some1. but how can u mourn some1s birth, even wid tears of love and bewilderment, mourning means reacting to some1s death, remembering them etc. overall, quite good FJ but not the best ive heard from you.
Won-12- Makaveli-Tha-Don, CB'S 3 times (KOX2), XXXlilstyles(KO), AK47, Urban Ridah, New Yorks Finest, Mizta(KO), Profit Sea (KO), Iknow (KO) & Makaveli91396(KO). Lost-3-JC, The Thriller and Carvelle1.

Joined: 01 Mar 2003

Total Posts: 738

Re: DEDICATION Posted: 27 May 2003 04:22 PM
thanks mak fixed it,good looking out i appreciate your construtive critisism
FLAMINGO & SWENSON 09-07-1960 D.O.B

Joined: 25 Feb 2003

Total Posts: 50

Re: DEDICATION Posted: 27 May 2003 07:05 PM
Well done dogg. I think thats pretty good. Maybe if I could offer a bit of advice; instead of making almost every line have a rhyming ending (true, you, better, getter) try experimenting with making every second line rhyme. You might not like it, you might not, try it and see what you think. If you want you could check out my last poem to see how I did it, you don't have to though. I picked up that kind of style from Pacs poetry, I think it gives the poem a better flow. That was a good poem though. Hope to see more from ya!
Laugh Now - Cry Later

Joined: 26 May 2003

Total Posts: 6

Re: DEDICATION Posted: 28 May 2003 09:36 PM
thanks dad! that was so good! it brought tears to my eyes! i want you to know that you are my best friend and your the best father ever! i love u so much! love, sarah
fjsdoter150

Joined: 14 Jan 2003

Total Posts: 2394

Re: DEDICATION Posted: 28 May 2003 09:47 PM
That's beautiful JT. So beautiful bro. Was an excellent piece, so heart felt, got emotional reading it mate. It's soo nice & special. & ya got such a great heart as I've told ya before, ya such a great man, wonderful human being. & A GREAT FATHER. No one or nothing can ever change that bro. Much Luv & Respect to you, to you as well Sarah & ya lil boy too JT. Peace
You’re My Goddess, My Wifey, My Angel, My Boo, My Tigress, My Gurl, My Lady You’re everything to me baby I can’t choose Emilie, I’m yours forever, yours truly your baby boy Paul My Baby Amani ~ Jeg elsker deg

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